at first sight

I rarely ride the bus down to campus, but this was an extraordinary day as I was going down to write a final. My head bubbling over with art history data, I dug out my Winter 2006 copy of The Handmaiden from my backpack (art history books are HEAVY!) and only a few words in, this man approached me by saying, "You're reading something about God. I can tell. That's really good because we all need God. And that's Mary. She was a good woman."

Initial reaction: Mildly annoyed.

And it showed.

But my annoyance, which I was hoping (!) was not showing on my face and only bubbling around my head, was compounded by "Do you read The Watchtower?" Added to this was what I thought to be his ridiculous costume of full Canadian military fatigues: green wool beret, camouflage pants, belted jacket, army boots, army issue backpack, etc... Still hoping that I was not betraying my thoughts, I gave him very curt answers so that he would get my not too subtle hint: "I don't want to talk to you. Go away. I don't talk to people like you. Go away." Other people on the bus were seeing the same things I was. Come on, how could they not? The sideway glances we were giving each other confirmed everything we were thinking, and not a single person was blaming me for the way I had treated him.

Hmmm... People like him.

Hmmm... People like me.

W O W.

And as soon as he moved on, by stepping off the bus to offer his arm to an elderly lady who had just been discharged from the hospital (she still had her hospital bracelet on) and was making her way home, my shame overwhelmed me. A good Orthodox Christian? Really? A Christian? Really?

Looking back at him, I saw St. George for some reason. I didn't like what I saw when I looked at the other people on the bus - I didn't like my own reflection.

O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace, help me in all things to rely upon your holy will. In every hour of the day reveal your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to throughout the day with peace of soul and with firm conviction that your will governs all. In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray. And you, yourself, pray in me. Amen.

- St. Philaret of Moscow