my spirit seeks Thee early in the nightwatches, O Lord, for Thy commandments are light upon the earth.
I'm finding its not enough anymore to just participate in the act of "pondering" upon God as Father-creator, God as Son-Saviour, and God as Life-giving Spirit. Thinking, which is something I usually never endorse, usually leads me into a deeper and thicker briar patch and completely halts whatever resolve I may have within me.
O Lord, open Thou my lips and my mouth shall declare thy praise.
The utterances that used to spring forth so naturally are hard
fought for now. The more the effort, the denser the fog. And yet the answers are always before me and available to me: prayer and humility. True and genuine heartfelt prayer. And as I'm writing this, all I can think about is that Carrie Bradshaw character from Sex and the City, and her "great monologue" on the series finale:"Well maybe it's time to be clear about who I am.
I am someone who is looking for love. Real love.
Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,
can't love without each other love."
Okay, I realize I just made a poem out of it but there you have it. In the end of it all, it's really about how you direct that thirst. When Carrie was saying these words, all I could think about was my love for God, and how I really wasn't giving my relationship its due. So how is that attention to be given. Again, the only answers for me are prayer and humility. True prayer and real humility. I guess what's bugging me is that I am surrounded by the constant repetition of "being a good person and just loving God is enough. He doesn't want more than that from you." Funny then, why is it that I want more?
"Well maybe it's time for me to be clear about who I am.
I am someone who is looking for Love. The real Love.
Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,
Can't live without each other Love."
I am someone who is looking for Love. The real Love.
Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,
Can't live without each other Love."
Photo credit to Ted Larson.
